How Do You Know When You’ve Found The One?

31 08 2012

No matter how much we evolve and develop our understanding of the human mind and human emotion, this is still a burning question that runs through every person’s mind at some point in his/her life.    And I love that the answer is always ‘you just know?’ blah… what does that even mean? How do you just know? Does a little birdie fly down from the sky and whisper it in your ear? Do angels infiltrate your dreams and say ‘Eh, that person you met today… he’s the one papi, get ready!’ And if you ‘just know’ please explain to me why there is so much divorce in the world? If everyone ‘just knew’ when they met ‘the one,’ shouldn’t that feeling be everlasting? I mean people don’t usually say their ‘I do’s’ if they don’t believe someone is ‘the one’ right?

This post was inspired by a conversation I was having with my good friend, James a few weeks ago. As we were people watching at Cowboys, James sees me wave over at my hubby who is a few feet away from me. He turns to me and says ‘How do you really know when you’ve found the one?’ It just didn’t feel authentic for me to say ‘Oh James, you just know…. you’ll know when you know…blah blah.’ So I said what to me felt like the truth. I said ‘Well, you don’t always know. Sometimes you just gotta take the plunge and hope for the best.’ He says to me ‘ummm, that’s a pretty big risk to take.’ I couldn’t really argue with that – it is a big risk to take. But that’s what life is all about isn’t it?  Everything is about taking a risk, hoping life will turn out exactly as you hope for in your dreams and all of that fluffy stuff. But in real life, there is sadness, there is pain, there is grief, loss, uncertainty and the list goes on. No matter how much you want to believe you ‘just know’… sometimes those things can get in the way of that – that’s real life. Does it mean you don’t move forward in life, or build a future with someone? – no of course not.  It just means that sometimes in your relationship you will experience these things… it’s not reason enough to pull the plug on it just because you aren’t 100% sure what the future holds.  You just have to hope for the best.

As James and I were having this chat, I said to him ‘Now, make no mistake about what I’m saying. Don’t go marry the first pretty girl that comes your way – that’s just foolish. As cheesy as it sounds, everytime I kiss Farhan, it feels like magic, and whenever he sends me a text and says ‘I’m on my way home!’ – I get so excited. I never get bored of being in his company. I like being around him… all of the time. Even when we have to go grocery shopping, or he is trying to boss me around and get me to clean my car (that is already so spotless btw), or we have to run 101 errands or visit our parents. I could watch paint dry with him and I think I would be able to enjoy the silence. I guess that’s how I know. Lame? Maybe. Cheesy?  Sounds like it. Real life? Definitely.’

I always like to do a little research before I sit down to write an entry and for this post I came across an article that really resonated with me. The author of the article was in her 30s (best decade of life!) and while she loved her fiancé more than anything, knowing there was so much uncertainty in the future scared her. And to be tied to uncertainty and possible unhappiness forever was a tough pill to swallow. I can’t really blame her. Legally binding yourself to someone and changing your name all in the name of ‘I’m not sure’ ? – that would mess with anyone’s head. Then her fiancé said to her… ‘Let’s try and not fast forward 40 years. Why don’t we just take this one year at a time? Do you think you can commit to one year?’ the author agreed happily… 1 year was less intimidating than 40. Then her fiancé said “and every year on our anniversary, we will ask each other – How has this last year been? Do you want to give it another year?’ – that couple was still married 12 years later.  While they didn’t know for certain it was going to work… they loved each other enough to try.

There may be some sadness and uncertainty in our future.  And there are likely going to be times when Farhan and I fight, and I like him a lot less than I normally do… like when he has one beer too many and gets that glossy eyed ‘oooh shiiiiit, imma get kicked out of this club in three minutes if you don’t get me to a bathroom’ look. I can honestly say that on those days, I want to throw him in the garbage. And as difficult as it is for me to believe, I know he feels like putting cotton in his ears and closing his eyes around me sometimes too. Likely, on those days – neither of us feel the other is ‘the one.’ But… four years later, we’re still together and I think I have laugh lines from smiling and laughing so much when I’m around him.  Sometimes you don’t always know… but if you can imagine watching paint dry together, it might be worth it to just jump in with both feet and see what happens.